50- Dress like a European male model, and complain that one of the various new
Swedish rock bands have copped your style.

49- The most overweight member must ALWAYS play drums.

48- Develop an affinity for mullets and talking about them.

47- Use two or more of the following words in your band name: Conspiracy,
Tragedy, Theory, Star(s), American, or use a girl’s first name or a celebrity’s
last name.

46- IMPORTANT: only put out EPs or split CDs. Full lengths are only to be
recorded if you’re on a major label or a large indie label.

45- When deciding on song titles, you can either make them one word
(preferrably something deep sounding or poetic) or a really long sentence that
doesn’t mean anything. There is no middle ground.

44- Make fun of people who shop at Hot Topic, then go there and buy a Converge
shirt the next day.

43- If you are a Christian band, write lyrics rhapsodizing your ex-girlfriend
(s).

42- If you are a non-Christian band, write lyrics using words
like “sin”, “angels”, “repent”, and “wicked”.

41- Be a straight-edge band, but don’t say anything about how you don’t use
drugs or alchohol, ever.

40- Wear tshirts from old 80’s metal bands.

39- You can have full dredlocks for no more than 2-3 months; then you must
shave them off.

38- Write your lyrics AFTER you record your vocals completely unintelligibly.

37- Wear hoodies when you play, no matter how hot you get.

36- Don’t mention Earth Crisis at all.

35- Be a jerk to your fans.

34- Dress geeky, especially if you’re in a hardcore / metal band.

33- Call your music “rock and roll” when you’re actually punk, one of the
various forms of hardcore, metal, or indie rock.

32- Act snobby when someone mentions any mainstream nu metal band.

31- Make sure all your band members are white males, 15-25.

30- On your website, have a photo of someone in the band flipping the camera
off.

29- Also on your site, incorporate messed up photos of a hot girl in the
design, in an attempt to attract males who think your music sucks.

28- Don’t pay attention to any popular sports.

27- There’s always room for singing.

26- Constantly complain how your favorite band(s) changed their sound when they
jumped onto a larger label.

25- Change your sound constantly.

24- Side projects, always…but only with members of other bands.

23- You cannot have the same members, or have the same members on the same
instruments, for more than 5 consecutive shows.

22- Start a label and do nothing with it.

21- When your real band breaks up, there’s always that acoustic guitar and
those lyrics about feelings you never used.

20- You can only have a maximum of 2 tshirt designs that aren’t black, at one
time.

19- Play shows with death metal bands and make fun of them.

18- Play shows with rapcore bands and make fun of them.

17- You can only use the f-word in your songs when there is no music and just
vocals.

16- Only play Gibson SGs.

15- Have a friend (preferrably a girl or girlfriend) videotape your set, but
only have them videotape the dancing, not your band.

14- Girls can only be in a band if a) they play bass, b) have a large tattoo on
their chest, c) short hair, or d) all of the above.

13- Deride techno.

12- The only mainstream band you are allowed to like is Weezer.

11- At the diner after the show, talk loudly about your new gauges.

10- When talking in between songs during your live set, make sure either 1)
your instrumented bandmates make noises so no one can hear you, or 2) cup the
mic so no one can understand you.

9- Wear a belt buckle larger than your fist.

8- Be as late as possible to your shows, and leave as soon as you can. Act
smarmy the whole time.

7- Name drop Trustkill or Jade Tree (or any band signed to them), and say how
they’re better than labels like Revelation or Victory.

6- Cancel your show in order to see Dashboard.

5- Make plans to tour Europe, then cancel at the last minute.

4- Join Shai Hulud.

3- Bed-head haircuts.

2- Tight pants.

1- Skulls.